HoneyBears & SydneyBeans: February 2014

Never fear shadows.... that always means there is a light shining somewhere.

~ Jonathan Santos

Our whole house is sick.

Dad is finally shaking it but my head is like a volcano ready to explode and even Ninja has a fever L

HBear almost never gets sick. She has had a stomach flu once and a bit of a cold once before but really… she never gets sick.

Last night she was saying her throat hurt and her eye was blurry?!?! WTF? She has been dry coughing a lot, oh, and her tummy hurt too. Of course these things are all connected J

This morning she woke up late and her eye is all bloodshot.

Love is…

Going to the walk-in clinic at the third period of a Canadian Olympic elimination hockey game with the score 1-1 J

When we got there the Dr came in and I said "Tell him what doesn’t feel good.”

“Ummm well my knee is hurting.”

LOL

So apparently she has pink eye, it was going around her school last week, and a throat and ear infection. They put her on an antibiotic. The last time she took an antibiotic Obama was just being sworn in as President lol I had an infection on my nipple and she got it in her mouth.

This kills me. My baby girl… sick. I even let her pick a treat in Shoppers, I almost sprung for some sort of Bratz Doll? Thank goodness she stopped and saw Cadbury Eggs. LOL All day we have cuddled and read books and watched Olympics and I have just held her. SBean got lots of snuggles too as she is cutting another freaking molar, how many freaking teeth are in there?!?!?!

As of tonight… she has 2 pink eyes L and she told me her throat feels like she swallowed poison.

So I was thinking about it and I thought when is the last time I cleaned the remotes? I mean we use them ALL the time. How gross! I for sure have not disinfected them since CANCER invaded our house…

So I went on a mission. I used 1 of my least favorite products, Lysol wipes. I hate them. I only buy them to clean up chicken juice.

Today I went around and disinfected everything we touch.

I did all light switches, lamp knobs, cabinet and drawer handles, door handles, closet handles, remotes, phones, toilet flushers, faucet handles, fridge/laundry/garbage doors. You name it, I Lysoled it.

I’ve got to say this…

Sometimes life isn’t fair. I mean really unfair. As I sit here worrying about sore throats, pink eye and a teething baby… my brother and sister-in-law are watching their son go through his final battle.

The other night Ninja was talking to his brother and they were giving him more meds because he was screaming in pain… OMG I want to throw up.

I honestly don’t know how they are dealing with the realization that their son is closing in on his final chapter.

I can’t imagine their pain, their heartbreak and their fear.

On Monday my mother and father-in-law got the call.

Come now.

They left this morning. They just got there.

I think, even though my Mom was young and it was total bull shit, we all deep down know we are going to go through it. We are going to lose a parent, both parents, at some point. We are prepared, somewhere in ourselves, for that horrible day. Mine came much too soon…

BUT,

No one is prepared to lose a child. Ever.

Especially this way.

When he is in pain.

When you are completely helpless.

Ah Man.

We have no words. What can you say? Nothing in the world can make this better.

My Besty lost her brother when he was 18. We were 16. Her mother was like my second mother. She wrote to me when my Mom was in her last stages (8 months ago this week). Her words were a huge help and comfort to me. This is what she wrote…

Kristin,

The last few weeks/days/hours before your Mom finds rest will be the longest and most difficult days of your life.

You will likely find yourself just wanting her suffering to end, but then being terrified with each extra sign that death is near.

I think most of us hope that when loved ones die we will be with them. It is very hard to sit and watch that happen. Usually they will take a time when they are alone because just as it is hard for you, it is just as hard for your Mom to let go and leave you and your family.

Don't be upset if this is what happens - it is easier for her and you. One of the "advantages" of seeing a loved one through a battle like your Mom has fought is that we have the opportunity to express over time what is in our hearts.

By the time death occurs you will have said your good-byes and hopefully feel at peace knowing you have shared what's in your heart. Don't be afraid to tell her things that might make her cry - she is likely holding back from telling you things for the same reason. Also don't be afraid to cry and show her your feelings. She needs to share these moments with you as much as you do with her.

I don't know if anyone ever told you this, but is very important that you give her your permission to die. This is her assurance that you will be okay when she is gone. Yes, you will miss her tremendously and you always will, but your life will continue and you will still enjoy the times you share with your family members.

I don't mean to be telling you "do's and don'ts" - I am only trying to prepare you for what may come.

After she is gone and you see her for the last time, it is okay express to her how angry you are that she will not be around to see your girls grow up. Letting out these emotions when you are still looking at her is very therapeutic.

All these things are things that our funeral director told me before Danny died. As I had not thought about a lot of them, I found it very helpful advice to follow.

As the oldest child you may feel that you have to be strong for your Dad and sister. Don't forget to look after you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. If there is any way I can help - even just to be a different ear to listen - please know I am here for you and you can call me anytime.

Love Donna

(Donna started an amazing charity in Danny's name to help sick kids and their families deal with the financial stresses of having a sick child. Please take a look HERE or like their Facebook page.)

I thank her for her words and hope that they help someone else, especially my family in Edmonton as much as they helped me.

Tonight as I hold my babies tightly I will pray that my nephew and his family find peace. That the pain will not be too much for him or them to bear. I pray that they say everything that is in their hearts and that they spend their time with him wisely. Holding nothing back. I pray that he finds comfort in their arms and that he finally knows freedom. Freedom from the horrific disease that has held his body captive for the majority of his short life.

I pray that Kevin and Teresa know that my Mom is there waiting. Please know he will be safe. He will be loved. She has her arms open wide and her big smile is shining, just for his welcome… she is a great hugger

He won’t be alone.

And because I have a very hard time with emotional things like this I am just going to say it…

There is NOTHING wrong with my crocs!

L-O-V-E

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Sweet & Sour Pork, Heart shaped Red Velvet Cake

SBean’s molars have finally pushed through, 1 more to go! I came up with this idea, with the help of the girls at Hot Lunch J, to put yogurt tubes in the freezer… She loved it!

How disgusting are those straps??? Yuck they need to go into the Blind cleaner ASAP!

HBear making Valentine's for all our neighbors :)

HBear has been pulling big sister angst lately. I feel for her, really I do. I am a big sister. I know what it feels like to have to share everything, to always have a baby sister tagging along. When they get older, she is going to love having her sister around, but right now it is a little hard to explain that to her.

Lately whenever SBean pulls out a toy HBear takes it away. When they are playing in their room, HBear comes out and says “SBean is being annoyingly” lol

I say “Excuse me? What did you just say?”

“Nothing,” and then she goes and closes her door and shuts SBean out. L

It makes me sad. I thought, before I had SBean that when things like this happened I would have HBear’s back, being a big sister myself. However, I am now a Mom before a big sister. My heart breaks when I see SBean being shut out. For the most part HBear is a WONDERFUL big sister,

I know it will all work out but sibling relationships are tricky and I only want them to love and respect each other, they are both so special in such different ways J

Enough sap!

HBear reading SBean's favorite book to her

SBean LOVES her Elmo chair. She stands on it and I have to put it up, little S***head LOL

On Saturday I made my M-I-Law’s Sweet & Sour Pork. It is soooo good. She made it for Chinese New Year and I have been craving it ever since! She should start her own blog to share all of her amazing recipes… but until then, I will keep making them and sharing them with you J This is super easy and tastes EXACTLY the way you want your sweet & sour pork to taste. Not too sweet, not too sour J Just perfect!

Sweet & Sour Pork

1/4 cup vegetable oil

1 egg beaten

2 pork tenderloins cut in 1/2 inch cubes

2 tablespoons cornstarch

1/2 teaspoon salt and pepper, each

1/2 cup chicken stock

1 can pineapple chunks

1/2 onion, chopped

1 green pepper, diced

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 carrot cut in thin strips

2 teaspoons cornstarch

2 teaspoons soy sauce

1/4 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup pineapple juice

1 tablespoon ketchup

1 tablespoon cider vinegar

Heat the oil in a large frying pan.

Roll the meat (I used what the butcher of our pig calls Sweet & Sour Pork Cubes. I have no idea what cut of meat this is. I liken it to Beef Stewing Cubes) in the beaten egg and then in the cornstarch mixed with the salt and pepper.

Brown quickly in the hot oil, over high heat, stirring often.

Lower heat and cook for 7 minutes.

Remove the pork from the pan.

Add the broth, pineapple, onion, green pepper, garlic and carrot sticks (I used broccoli slaw). Boil 5 minutes.

Add the cooked pork and cook for another 5 minutes.

Blend the 2 teaspoons cornstarch with the soy sauce, brown sugar, vinegar, pineapple juice (I used the juice from the can, it was the perfect amount) and ketchup.

Add to frying pan. Boil, while stirring, until sauce thickens.

Sunday..,. oh man sick again?!?!?! What the hell? This has been a terrible year for colds. Dad has been sick for, well it seems like the whole winter! My ear finally unplugged and here we go again. Sucky.

I got up with a scratchy throat and didn’t feel like SBean’s swim class L So Ninja went in with her. They are like little fishies in the water!

I am so happy. I personally think swimming is a life skill and the kids NEED to learn how to swim, especially when we live between 2 lakes. I remember late night swims when I was a kid, coming here for visits… I am lucky that I took swimming and know my water safety. Ninja isn’t the strongest swimmer, maybe if we ever enter the Family Challenge, he can do the run, I can do the swim and 1 of the girls can do the bike, granted HBear would have to actually get ON the bike to do so LOL I don’t know why but last year she was petrified to go on her new big girl bike (training wheels). This year we hope to ride the KVR so she had better get used to it! LOL

We went to Ninja’s parents for dinner last night. I took a nap in the afternoon and had trouble getting my ass up… until I remember CHICKEN PARMESAN! My M-I-Law makes THE BEST chicken parm ever. She took cooking classes at this awesome market/restaurant/cooking school, De Luca’s in Winnipeg and this recipe is 1 of the many that we absolutely LOVE!

Milled tomatoes and fresh basil help make the most fresh and delicious sauce, breaded chicken breast with ooey gooey cheese and fresh pasta with a little oil and pesto… Mmmmmm! I promise I will make it soon so you can try it out too! For dinner I made the dessert I was going to make on Friday for Valentines J

Heart Shaped Red Velvet Cake

SPOILER… I use a very special ingredient to make the BEST red velvet cake EVER…

Yuppers, Duncan Hines cake in a box! It never fails, always rises and tastes GREAT! Don’t mess with it if it works J

So the 1^st thing you do is whip up your batter and pour it into an 8 inch circle cake pan and an 8-9 inch square cake pan. Cook according to the box, 38 minutes I think.

Cut the circle in half and position them at the top of the square (put the square on the diagonal). Put a thin layer of frosting on as the crumb layer and then put in the fridge for a bit.

Frost! I used whipped Duncan Hines white frosting (give me a break! Lol) I add red gel food coloring to make HOT pink, just like Hbear wanted J

So, because I am not feeling well I decided to pull out a breakfast bake from the freezer J I made it a while back with leftover French bread. It was filling and tasty… so I guess it was a winner. Bonus no dishes! We had it with Caesar salad, yummy!