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Easy Peasy Chicken Oriental Salad and The Let's Talk in 3's!



And when I wipe my ass

I go from front to back

Cause I don't want a bladder infection

NOXF- My Vagina


I think we are at the point in our relationship that we can talk about 3 things that every Mom out there has dealt with. 

UTIs
Kids
Pets

Are you ready for TMI?

1. My sister is going to cringe LOL but I have to talk about this. Nobody ever talked about it with me. Last week, SBean woke up 3 times throughout the night. Now that she realizes she can get up at night and pee, she thinks it's very cool to do so.

So the first time she got up I peed too. Omg, I thought, what is that smell??? In my groggy state I couldn't put my finger on it but my gag reflex kicked in. 

The next time only she went, no smell. 

The 3rd time I had to pee again too. I sleepily gave myself a pat on the back for drinking my water quota for the day. 

Gag!

The stink snapped me out of sleep and I pulled SBean off her potty and picked it up to smell it. 

Yeah ok so I can still remember a time when even the sound of my tinkle grossed me out. Now I smell other people's pee!

It smelled like pee. 

Was it me? I remembered Samantha on Sex in the City talking about funky spunk because her boyfriend drank wheatgrass. Did I drink wheatgrass without knowing?

I decided to ignore it obviously and went back to sleep. 

The next day the smell was still there. Plus my pee was cloudy. Plus it began to burn. Oh the burn!!!

It was Super Bowl Sunday and we were having Chinese New Year at my In-Laws, so I cooked through it.



When I was done I sat in the walk-in for 2 hours, peed in a cup, and got diagnosed with a bladder infection. 

I had no idea. Well I guessed when is started to burn but I had symptoms for a few days before. Since having kids, I feel like I know my body pretty well. I could have saved myself the agony if I had recognized the frequent pee breaks, the discoloured pee, the smell and the soreness in my lower belly... earlier. 

I tell you my yucky pee story to help you. Don't be like me, don't hold your pee! I know life gets busy. I know it is sometimes hours into your day before you think about yourself and monotonous chores like peeing. But I am here to tell you,

Pee. Just pee! 

Bladder infections are not nice so follow all the rules of a vagina. Wipe front to back. Don't hold it. And the one no husband is going to agree with... Sex = infection so just say no. ;)

2. Kids say the funniest things don't they?

HBear tried the free trial classes for the Penticton Swim Team. She loved it! On Sunday when we were at her normal swim class there was a swim meet going on. We went a few minutes early so we could watch a bit. I said "see that could be you! Winning medals and training for meets, maybe even the Olympics one day!"

"NO! I don't want to win or go in the Olympics! It's not nice to win or be the best. I only like to do things for fun so nobody's feelings get hurt!"

Are you my kid?

This is a problem. All things are not created equal. If you don't have drive, ambition and a competitive spirit, you won't make it out there! This will come up again I'm sure lol.

As opposed to SBean who sings "I'm gonna beat you! I'm gonna win! I'm faster than you are!" during any and ALL activities lol.



Not every kid thinks like HBear though. At her birthday party a few months ago we had 1 of her friends come flying out of the bedroom where all the girls are playing.

"What's wrong Sweetie?" I asked

She replied "honestly, I don't like it when I'm not the centre of attention."

Ok then. I heard Ninja chuckle in the kitchen while I thought about a response. "Hmmmm well it is HBear's birthday and sometimes to be a good friend you have to let your friend shine" I said, very proud of my answer.

"Actually my Mom says I'm a star and nobody shines brighter than me so I think I will just stay out here if it is ok with you?"

Lol




Sydney was playing with Ninja the other day. They were playing Fancy Nancy and SBean looked up at him and said, "Well this is my life. All day long."

Must be tough!

We were listening to my song the other day. FourFiveSeconds. It is my take on the world song :) and HBear said, "what does he mean by talking trash?" So I said "he means people are saying bad things or talking garbage about me"

"What? Who would talk bad about you Mommy? You are AMAZING. Why would people say garbage about you?" She kept repeating how amazing I am lol. I have to say, It felt awesome! 



Speaking of feeling awesome, HBear came home from school the other day and proudly stated that her 2 friends told her that the sleepover the other night was... The best sleepover EVER! Her confidence was vibrating around her lol. All that worry for nothing :)

These girls just blow my mind! Lately there has been a lot of fighting. SBean is loud so she usually gets into the trouble lol but HBear is quiet and sneaky. She pushes SBean and continues to poke at her. SBean is very independent and hates when HBear takes over. SBean does NOT know how to share. So we tried to separate them. "OK girls if you don't like playing together, SBean can play out here and HBear you can come up to the table and do art."

NOOOOOOOOOO! I want my sister! I NEED my big sister! I want SBean!!!! 

They are completely crazy :)



We had one of HBear's friends with us the other day and we were talking about stuttering. One of her friends (her first love apparently lol) stutters a bit and we were talking about why. I explained that I used to stutter and it got better by public speaking when I was on student council. HBear's friend said "I was in that twice"

?

"Yeah my Mom made me go talk about my feelings at council because I can be unruly and incorrigible."

Omg I can just imagine what HBear says when I am not around!


Last week I made Sausage and Egg McMuffin's for dinner. I asked the girls "how are your McMuffins?" And SBean replied, "amazing! I love my sausage McDavid!"


Ninja and I took the girls to Kung Fu Panda 3 last weekend. During the preview they showed the new Ice Age. SBean laughed at the nut and the squirrel so hard. I mean with all her enthusiasm and joy! People were looking over but she didn't care! She just continued to laugh uproariously! I hope she always laughs like nobody is looking. 


SBean is going through a faze... I hope. She is bossy and controlling. When she doesn't want to do something or something is not going her way she YELLS "No and No!" SBean it's nap time! "NO and NO!" SBean let's try potty! "No and NO!!" When she is happy or likes something she YELLS "Yes and Yes!" SBean do you want to go in the hot tub? "Yes and Yes!" SBean are you ready for dessert? "yes and YES!" LOL We may have a problem that we may need professional help with lol.



Yesterday was Valentine's Day. We had a great one! We "celebrated" Saturday by cooking a delicious meal together and watching the Oilers vs the Jets :) 


Banana Bread for HBear's Teachers

Delicious Wine!





Yesterday when we were done dinner and dessert (Krispy Kremes from my MBesty!!!!) 



HBear went to the bathroom. A few minutes later she began screaming "Mommy!!! Daddy!!! Come here quick!" We raced in thinking she was hurt.

She was sitting on the toilet pooping while brushing her teeth! She smiled and said, "now this is what you call multitasking!" 

BAHAHAHAHA



Did anybody watch Grease live? How freaking awesome was that? Super impressed! However, I never realized how sexual Grease was. I had watched as a child for the music and the dancing. I thought it was very clean. Until I watched it with HBear and she continuously peppered me with questions.

"Why is Sandy a good girl and Rizzo is a bad girl? If she is pregnant are they married? What is a sin wagon? She dropped out of 2 schools? What are they doing in the backseat of that car? So, it doesn't matter how you dress as long as the boy likes you? Oh I get it, if the boy likes you to wear leather instead of pretty dresses you should change so he will be your true love."

What is this teaching girls? Holy shit! Did I think these things when I was a kid? 

"No Sweetie that's why they made Grease part 2 so we can see that the boy should change for the girl."

No, I did not say that. But now I really want to go through the second one with a fresh eye and see if she should watch it… I can only imagine the questions when they sing Let's Do It For Our Country! Lol



3. I don't have a pet. My Sis had a rough time last week as her dog was running so fast he popped a nail off. There was a ton of blood and poor Lenny had to be sedated and was in pain. :( Pets are hard (hence why we don't have one). My SIL used to talk about her little puppy like she was her child. She always started it by saying "I know it is nothing like having a baby..." But really, it is! They just don't talk back lol. My SparksBesty has 2 HUGE dogs and 2 kids HBear's age and SBean's age. I am envious of people who have dogs. I miss having a dog. I have been bringing up the subject quite a bit with Ninja and Dad... Until... This...


How to give your Bernese Mountain Dog a Bath at Home: A Definitive Guide.
By: Dani (SparksBesty)

1. Notice your Bernese Mountain Dog smells like old socks. 

2. Attempt initial brushing to remove excess hair (so as to not plug the drain of bathtub). 

3. Chase your dog around your house for ten minutes trying to get him to stay still for brushing.

4. Outwit him by corning him in a small area such as the space between the front door and the freezer. 

5. Wedge self in small space also (wrap leg around dogs body to mitigate escape risk). 

6. Commence brushing. 

7. Attempt to parent small child from confines of small space. 

8. Give up, reasoning that attempting to rescue the entire Costco size box of arrowroot cookies, is not worth giving up the stronghold you have on dog. 

9. Remove grocery bag of fur.

10. Grab five cookies from kitchen floor and collar of dog. 

11. Steer perpetually hungry dog away from cookie disaster in kitchen by holding five cookies against his snout. 

12. Bring unsuspecting dog into bathroom. 

13. Shut door, slip out and grab seven towels, then go back in. Take off your pants and shirt. 

14. Note fear building in dogs eyes. 

15. Attempt to wrestle 110lbs of dog into tub. Knock over bathroom toys, garbage cans, and dislodge toilet seat in process. Lose two cookies. 

16. Soap dog and consequently lose hold of dog due to slipperiness of soap. 

17. Attempt to maintain control of situation by holding onto fur as dog leaps out of tub, and fall into bath tub yourself. 

18. Glare at fucking dog.

19. Wrestle 110lbs of dog into tub again, and rinse. Lose last three cookies (note that you’re screwed if he jumps out again). 

20. Pre-towel dog in tub, let dog out of tub, and provide second toweling, let dog escape from bathroom shaking and tossing copious wet fur onto walls as he retreats. 

21. Jump into tub and rinse self with bucket because there is so much hair it won’t come off in shower. 

22. Begin cleaning: Unclog drain of bathtub (plunger bathtub if manual hair removal will not suffice), pre-wipe walls, fix toilet seat, put garbage back in can, and put toys away. Wait for walls to dry before vacuuming because there is too much hair for mere wiping to be effective. 

23. Upon leaving bathroom, note that dog has eaten all the cookies on kitchen floor, including what may be parts of packages. 

24. Resist urge to pour glass of wine. 

Total time including clean-up: 3 Hours


Bahahaha she is honestly 1 of the funniest women I know!!!!

A few weeks ago I was craving Applebee's Oriental Salad. We don't have an Applebee's so I turned to trusted Pinterest :)

This salad was so easy and so good!!! I just know we will be returning to this recipe time and time again!

Easy Peasy Chicken Oriental Salad

1 head green leaf lettuce
1/2 bag coleslaw
1/4 cheddar cheese, shredded
1/4 cup almond slivers, toasted
1 bell pepper, sliced
3 tablespoons chives, chopped (or green onions)
1/4 red onion, chopped
6 tablespoons honey
3 tablespoons rice wine vinegar
1/2 cup mayonnaise
2 teaspoons Dijon Mustard
1/4 teaspoon sesame oil
1 box chicken fingers

Mix lettuce, coleslaw, peppers, red onion and tomatoes in a bowl an set aside.

Mix honey, vinegar, mayo, mustard, and oil in your Ultimate Chopper and then season with salt & pepper. Put in fridge to chill.


Cook chicken fingers  according to directions on the box.

When chicken is ready, dice them up and add to salad. Top with almonds and cheese and drizzle dressing all over.




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