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California Chicken

I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff—I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I’d do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all.

J.D Salinger

Today was one of those days.

I wish I could be happy or make you laugh.

It just wasn't one of those days.

Do you remember the Little Critter books. I had 1 that said "My Mother told me I'd have days like this" 


First of all I was hanging out cleaning the bathroom in my underware and my phone dinged. 

hey are you ready?

OMG I have an appointment with a friend to go get our eyebrows done!!!!

No I am not ready! I just put The Bean down and I am up to my thong in a dirty shower!


I don't usually forget things like that.

So this is my excuse...

After school today, after my afternoon of volunteering in HBear's classroom, I had to take her to see a child psychologist at the Bereavement Center.

That was pretty much all I could think about today.

It went very well actually.

In a total rip my heart out kinda way.

First she said draw a picture of your family before anything bad happened.

Awwww. We all have shining hearts. That's me (1st) with my cat??? HBear said she wanted to draw a picture of the family before she was born. I had a cat lol I didn't realize we had talked about that?!

Daddy is next because blue is his favorite color.

SBean is the little blue one... she didn't have a heart for the longest time. She explained that hearts stop ba-boombing so SBean doesn't have one.


Last she drew herself.

She talked while she did her drawing about real life and make believe.

Then she was asked to draw a picture of the family after something bad happened... we all had tears everywhere.

She is first. She is on her knees, she explained, with her arms down beside her because she is crying her eyes out.

Mommy is next she is crying out of her mouth. She crys a lot. We are very sad.

Papa is next. He cries because his heart is broken.

Daddy had a smile but he is sad too, he doesn't cry in real life so he got different blue tears.

We are sad.

OMG Break my heart. She sees my evil tongue lashing out as me crying through my mouth. 

What an exceptional little girl.

She asked HBear a few questions like, what makes you the saddest? 

Nana died.

What would you ask the people you lost?

I don't want to ask GG, Nana or Aaron anything. I just want to tell them I love you.

Someone give me an effing tissue!

She asked us to come back next week. I think this will be a good thing.


I am mad.

Like really mad... at myself.

I never liked the book Catcher in the Rye. I never had to read it in school. I read it many times after though. Don't like it.


I feel it now. 

I am so mad I let me 5 year old fall off the edge of the cliff and lose her innocence. I am so sad that she fears death. I am torn apart that she thinks I cry from my mouth. I hate that she drew our family with tears everywhere.

I didn't catch her. It is not my fault but the result is the same.

I cannot wrap my head around it all actually...

Thank goodness I had dinner all ready before we went :)

I am going to share with you the biggest "secret" recipe EVER. It is so impressive you could make it for your husband's boss and make a good impression!


AND it takes almost no ingredients or prep work.


My Mom always made it with Catalina dressing but California was on sale :) and gave me points LOL

California Chicken

3 Chicken breasts

1 package of onion soup mix
1 can of whole berry cranberry sauce
1 bottle of California salad dressing

Preheat oven to 375.

Mix all the ingredients in a greased baking dish,

Bake until chicken is cooked through. (about 30 minutes)

I am fully aware that I have done 2 things here...

1. I am pretty personal in this blog. I truly believe that HBear AND SBean are going to be mad at me in the future. Remember the explosive poop story? lol 

My sister gave me this AMAZing idea today to start the girls email accounts. Now we can email them our thoughts, how proud we are of them at particular moments in their life, how sorry we are for grounding her from that super uber important party (I am predicting the inevitable here) lol, and she is going to see I am showing her that I am truly happy that she is able to express her feelings so well. She is so open and loving and expressive and amazing.

I will also be able to subscribe them to my blog. It is a fairly accurate account of their lives too. 

2. I quickly hopped from a very disturbing subject to chicken.

That's the way I do things. I cannot explain my feelings. I cannot explain hers.

So I cook.



Karen Harris May 24, 2014 at 6:04 AM  

Oh my gosh, where do I start? I had a hit on my blog from here and I clicked over to find your amazing site. I am so honored to see that you follow me. Thank you! I browsed around and found this totally moving post. I swear we are living similar lives only I am a "few" years ahead of you. When my son was five we lost the pillar of our lives (my father). Unfortunately my children saw me shook to my foundation which shook theirs as well. So sad that sometimes little ones have to deal with death and mourning. Slowly we healed and moved forward but never forgot that wonderful man. Now we have wonderful times and challenges, but we are still dealing with them together and closer than ever. And somewhere in between I have become notorious for forgetting lunch dates, happy hours, or the worst, a lunch dates with my little boy at school, ugh! Thanks for passing on your mother's recipe. I love community recipes like this. I can't wait to give it a try. Hang in there. Nice to meet you.

HoneyBears & SydneyBeans May 24, 2014 at 12:55 PM  

Thank you for your words Karen! It is so exciting when a blogger that I've been following for so long comments on my post!!!! I did a little dance :) Thanks for sharing and happy eating hee hee!

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